Finally, our family was complete. It seemed like an eternity waiting to have both babies at home, but when the moment finally arrived, we were overjoyed and overwhelmed. Chris was home from work and my mom was still in town so the first day there were plenty of hands to make bottles and feed both babies.
Daniel had been sleeping in a pack-n-play in our room since he was on oxygen, I wanted him close and just felt better with him being in our room. So the first night they were both home, they woke up for their feedings at midnight, 3am, and 6am. After the 3am feeding, I decided to move both babies to their own room. I couldn't believe what a loud sleeper Elizabeth was! Their room was right next to ours and I knew I would hear them cry, we didn't even need the monitor. Your situation might be different if the babies room is on a different floor or not in close proximity to your room. I personally do not believe in co-sleeping, but everyone has to do what works best for them and it may take awhile to find out what that is.
One piece of advice I would give, and this took me a few weeks to figure out. Make bottles ahead of time! The first few weeks I would just make a bottle when the baby was hungry or at night when I heard them cry. It only takes a few seconds to put the bottle together but if it's in the middle of the night and you're exhausted or your baby is screaming, it seems to take way too long. Find the bottle that works best for your baby and then buy several of them. We had 12 bottles and I would make all of them up and keep them in the fridge. I think I read that you can store the bottles for up to 48 hours in the fridge, but I would research that to make sure that number is correct. It just made it so nice for my husband and for me to open the fridge and see the bottles already made, then all we had to do was heat them. What worked best for us was filling a glass measuring container half full with water and microwaving it for 2 minutes and then popping the bottle into it. It would usually take another minute or 2 to warm up and then we would put the other bottle in the warm water. Eventually, we got a 2nd one so we could warm both bottles at once.
Keep in mind that once you have both babies at home, it will take a while to get into a rhythm and find what works best for you and your family and it may not necessarily be what works best for other families. Your life has literally been turned upside down, so go easy on yourself and give yourself time to adjust. And don't feel bad about crying and/or still feeling depressed and a experiencing a lack of joy, this is completely normal and will most likely pass on it's own. Talk to your doctor about how you are feeling and if it persists it may be necessary to get on some kind of medication. This is nothing to be ashamed of, your babies need you so do whatever it takes to be there for them 100%.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Bringing Elizabeth home - finally!
And speaking of guilt...I had alot of guilt after bringing Daniel home and being able to love on him and take care of him at home while Elizabeth was still in the hospital. It just felt so wrong to have to leave her there for someone else to take care of her. You are so blessed if you are able to bring both babies home at the same time. This does happen, but not all the time. It truly felt like we were missing a big piece of our family and we were still incomplete. When we took Daniel home a NICU nurse said told us not to stress about where we should be - at home with Daniel or at the hospital with Elizabeth. I was glad she said that and I know we stressed about it anyway, but it was just nice to hear that someone would understand how we were feeling and obviously we weren't not the first NICU parents to go through this. The bottom line is you just have to do what you have to do to get through this time and as with everything else, it is only a temporary phase and will not last forever.
My mom got into town the day that Daniel came home so most days she and I took him with us to the hospital and in the evenings when Chris was home, he and I were able to go visit Elizabeth, and Daniel would stay at home with my mom. That worked out really well for us, but if you don't have that option, the NICU is pretty open to you bringing in siblings even if they are older kids.
Miss Elizabeth took a little bit longer to reach the criteria needed to be released because she was so much smaller than Daniel. It was so hard for her to finish her bottle without falling asleep because she was so tiny, it takes so much energy and she just didn't have the stamina. Some days we left there very encouraged because she had finished her bottle for us and/or we had gotten a good report from the nurses about the previous feedings. And other times we got discouraging reports that she had slept through all of her feedings and they had to "gavage" her, which means to feed her through her tube. This was just all part of the roller coaster. She also kept having bradys, the drop in heartrate. As I mentioned before, I think it was 3 whole days they had to go without having one and she would go for 2 days, then she would have one and they had to start over again the next day. It was so disheartening to get there and hear that she had had one. She always came back from it on her own, but it was so scary to think of her being at home and not on the monitor and something could happen and we wouldn't know. So again, we knew she was in the best possible place.
It was probably the middle of the 3rd week when we started to get encouraged and feel like she might be coming home soon. She was finishing her bottles consistently, was taken out of the isolette and put into a regular NICU bed and was moved to a different side of the room. I remember coming to see her that last week and she had been moved to a place closer to the windows and I walked up and she was getting her diaper changed and right then I realized how beautiful she was. The natural light brought out the beautiful pink color of her skin and she was wide awake looking towards the window and getting her diaper changed. I just remember thinking, "She looks so good!" Shortly after that they asked us to bring in her carseat to make sure she passed the test and then we would be able to take her home. We were so excited that this ordeal would finally be over and we would have both babies at home!
They were discharging her on a Monday morning, so since my mom was still in town, my husband and I had a date night that Sunday night since we knew it would be a long time before we would have another one. We had a great time and I think I actually felt someone normal and even laughed some. It had been quite awhile since I had really laughed. I also remember that was the first day since having the babies that I was able to fit into my regular jeans!
Anyway, we went the next morning around 10 to pick up Elizabeth. We were so excited and happy at the thought of having her home, but I was also overwhelmed thinking about having two babies at home to take care of and feed every 3 hours. We arrived at the hospital, signed the paperwork and got some last minute instructions, loaded her seat into the car and drove her home. As soon as we got home, we put Daniel and Elizabeth in his crib together and watched them interact. It was sad to us that they had been together for 8 1/2 months and then were separated for a month. We captured their reunion on video, it was such a great moment for all of us.
My mom got into town the day that Daniel came home so most days she and I took him with us to the hospital and in the evenings when Chris was home, he and I were able to go visit Elizabeth, and Daniel would stay at home with my mom. That worked out really well for us, but if you don't have that option, the NICU is pretty open to you bringing in siblings even if they are older kids.
Miss Elizabeth took a little bit longer to reach the criteria needed to be released because she was so much smaller than Daniel. It was so hard for her to finish her bottle without falling asleep because she was so tiny, it takes so much energy and she just didn't have the stamina. Some days we left there very encouraged because she had finished her bottle for us and/or we had gotten a good report from the nurses about the previous feedings. And other times we got discouraging reports that she had slept through all of her feedings and they had to "gavage" her, which means to feed her through her tube. This was just all part of the roller coaster. She also kept having bradys, the drop in heartrate. As I mentioned before, I think it was 3 whole days they had to go without having one and she would go for 2 days, then she would have one and they had to start over again the next day. It was so disheartening to get there and hear that she had had one. She always came back from it on her own, but it was so scary to think of her being at home and not on the monitor and something could happen and we wouldn't know. So again, we knew she was in the best possible place.
It was probably the middle of the 3rd week when we started to get encouraged and feel like she might be coming home soon. She was finishing her bottles consistently, was taken out of the isolette and put into a regular NICU bed and was moved to a different side of the room. I remember coming to see her that last week and she had been moved to a place closer to the windows and I walked up and she was getting her diaper changed and right then I realized how beautiful she was. The natural light brought out the beautiful pink color of her skin and she was wide awake looking towards the window and getting her diaper changed. I just remember thinking, "She looks so good!" Shortly after that they asked us to bring in her carseat to make sure she passed the test and then we would be able to take her home. We were so excited that this ordeal would finally be over and we would have both babies at home!
They were discharging her on a Monday morning, so since my mom was still in town, my husband and I had a date night that Sunday night since we knew it would be a long time before we would have another one. We had a great time and I think I actually felt someone normal and even laughed some. It had been quite awhile since I had really laughed. I also remember that was the first day since having the babies that I was able to fit into my regular jeans!
Anyway, we went the next morning around 10 to pick up Elizabeth. We were so excited and happy at the thought of having her home, but I was also overwhelmed thinking about having two babies at home to take care of and feed every 3 hours. We arrived at the hospital, signed the paperwork and got some last minute instructions, loaded her seat into the car and drove her home. As soon as we got home, we put Daniel and Elizabeth in his crib together and watched them interact. It was sad to us that they had been together for 8 1/2 months and then were separated for a month. We captured their reunion on video, it was such a great moment for all of us.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Get over the guilt!
I am not sure if this is the case for everyone, but I experienced a whole lot of guilt over having premature babies. I questioned everything I had done in the days leading up to the delivery. Did I stand for too long? Should I not have made dinner that night? Should I have quit working earlier? Did I do something to cause this? It has been over a year and I still have a hard time accepting that they came 2 weeks earlier than we had planned. When we have something in our mind planned out the way we think it should go and it doesn't go that way, it can be hard to accept. I talked to my friend Kelli about this shortly after the babies were born, she also remembered having alot of guilt about her preemie and constantly questioned her actions and if she had done something to cause the early arrival.
Well the answer to her question and mine is most certainly "no". As long as you are following your doctor's orders and listening to your own body then you are doing what you should be doing. The most important thing I kept reminding myself of is that God determines our birthdays, not us. God determines when we come into this world and when we go out, He has that written long before we are even conceived. He is the Creator of all life and He ultimately is in control.
So my advice to you if you are still pregnant is to sit back, put your feet up and just relax. Take care of yourself and those babies and don't push yourself and try to do too much. Listen to your doctor and to your body. If you had preemies and are experiencing guilt, this is perfectly normal but you have to find a way to get over it. Realize that premature births with multiples is common and it's not your fault and likely nothing could have been done to prevent it. Accept the circumstances the way they are now and not what you think they should have been. Your babies need you to be available to them, physically and emotionally, none of that pesky guilt getting in the way.
Well the answer to her question and mine is most certainly "no". As long as you are following your doctor's orders and listening to your own body then you are doing what you should be doing. The most important thing I kept reminding myself of is that God determines our birthdays, not us. God determines when we come into this world and when we go out, He has that written long before we are even conceived. He is the Creator of all life and He ultimately is in control.
So my advice to you if you are still pregnant is to sit back, put your feet up and just relax. Take care of yourself and those babies and don't push yourself and try to do too much. Listen to your doctor and to your body. If you had preemies and are experiencing guilt, this is perfectly normal but you have to find a way to get over it. Realize that premature births with multiples is common and it's not your fault and likely nothing could have been done to prevent it. Accept the circumstances the way they are now and not what you think they should have been. Your babies need you to be available to them, physically and emotionally, none of that pesky guilt getting in the way.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Your Support System
An earlier than expected delivery and a NICU stay can wreak havoc on your emotional state, so it is important to have a solid support system on which you can lean. My husband Chris and I are strong Christians and relied on our trust in God to get us through that most difficult time. Chris was so wonderful, he called our church to tell them about us having the babies, they put us on their prayer list, sent the Care Pastor to the hospital to meet with us and pray with us and when we went to church the following Sunday, the birth announcement of the twins was in the bulletin - that was so exciting to us! Two days after the babies were born he went to a Catholic church that was close to our home to light candles for the babies and pray for them. He was sitting up front praying and had just stood up to leave when the priest starting walking towards the front of the church - apparently he had gotten there right before a scheduled mass. What great timing, he stayed for the mass and was really moved by the timing of it all. He is still talking about it!
It is great to have friends and family to lean on as well, although as I mentioned earlier - if someone has not been through this experience it is impossible for them to relate. People don't always know what to say or what to do. But they do want to help, so remember to ask for it. For instance, if you had a C-section, you may need a ride to the hospital to see the babies. You probably won't feel like cooking so if someone offers to bring meals, accept that offer. Even if you don't have much of an appetite or are just grabbing food at the drive thru to and from the hospital, you can freeze the food and then have it for when the babies come home.
If you have not already joined your local Mother of Multiples group (and I highly recommend it) now would be a good time to contact them. They usually have support groups for parents with kids in the NICU and they also have a group that arranges to bring meals to new parents. Our church was great about coordinating with different people to bring food. But they don't always know what the need is, so don't be afraid to ask for something if you need it.
As I mentioned, people don't always know what to say and sometimes they say some really insensitive and hurtful things. If you had preemies, get used to people going on and on and on about how tiny they are. Yes, my babies were early, yes, my babies were small, but don't all babies come out small? I have never heard about any babies coming out looking like a full sized person, but whatever. You will get tired of hearing it, I know I did. What I tried to turn the focus to was how cute they were and how perfect they were. Let's focus on the positive here people. The worst was when a guy told me that his sister had just had a baby and that her baby weighed more than both of mine put together. He could not have possibly known how devastating that was to me, he was obviously clueless. You just can't let these types of comments get to you. Just remember, these people don't get it! Your strongest support during this time should be your spouse, you are going through something that only the 2 of you can understand, so lean on each other and give each other the support and encouragement you both need.
It is great to have friends and family to lean on as well, although as I mentioned earlier - if someone has not been through this experience it is impossible for them to relate. People don't always know what to say or what to do. But they do want to help, so remember to ask for it. For instance, if you had a C-section, you may need a ride to the hospital to see the babies. You probably won't feel like cooking so if someone offers to bring meals, accept that offer. Even if you don't have much of an appetite or are just grabbing food at the drive thru to and from the hospital, you can freeze the food and then have it for when the babies come home.
If you have not already joined your local Mother of Multiples group (and I highly recommend it) now would be a good time to contact them. They usually have support groups for parents with kids in the NICU and they also have a group that arranges to bring meals to new parents. Our church was great about coordinating with different people to bring food. But they don't always know what the need is, so don't be afraid to ask for something if you need it.
As I mentioned, people don't always know what to say and sometimes they say some really insensitive and hurtful things. If you had preemies, get used to people going on and on and on about how tiny they are. Yes, my babies were early, yes, my babies were small, but don't all babies come out small? I have never heard about any babies coming out looking like a full sized person, but whatever. You will get tired of hearing it, I know I did. What I tried to turn the focus to was how cute they were and how perfect they were. Let's focus on the positive here people. The worst was when a guy told me that his sister had just had a baby and that her baby weighed more than both of mine put together. He could not have possibly known how devastating that was to me, he was obviously clueless. You just can't let these types of comments get to you. Just remember, these people don't get it! Your strongest support during this time should be your spouse, you are going through something that only the 2 of you can understand, so lean on each other and give each other the support and encouragement you both need.
Bringing Daniel home
Our experience with the NICU was pretty similiar to alot experiences I have since heard about from other twin moms. Our babies were healthy (thank you God) their only issue was being small and early. I had mentioned before that the criteria to leave the NICU is the be able to maintain a certain body temp, finish the whole body at every feeding consistently for a few days, and to go 3 whole days without what they call a "brady", a drop in heartrate. Daniel did all of this very well, he was the bigger of the 2 at 4.1 pounds. They both had feeding tubes in their noses, but I think Daniel only needed that for a few days and then was able to take his bottles.
One frustration I had with the NICU was I always felt like we were getting conflicting information. One nurse would tell us one thing, another nurse would tell us something different and then the NICU doctor would tell us something different than that. For instance, I asked when they would take the feeding tube out of Daniel's nose and they said they wouldn't take it out since eventually he wouldn't be able to take his whole feeding. "What do you mean eventually? When is he coming home?!" I wanted to scream at them. Well the next time we went in, they said Daniel would be able to go home in a few days. Well what about the tube and him not being able to take all of his feedings? It was conflicting info like that that was really frustrating and that is what it means when you hear the NICU referred to as a roller coaster.
We usually visited our babies twice a day - at the noon feeding and at the 6pm feeding. You can certainly go more or less than that, but that is the schedule that worked for us. Sometimes it was tough to decide which one to hold and feed at that time but we usually took turns. I did go by myself sometimes and just took time holding both babies.
The babies have to pass what is called a "car seat test" before they can come home. You bring your carseat up to the hospital, they put the baby in it for a certain period of time and test their oxygen levels. They have to maintain a certain level in order to pass the test. Daniel failed his first test but passed the next one. He ended up being put on oxygen when he was a week old and had to come home on it. That was a whole other challenge in itself.
When we got the word that Daniel was ready to come home, we were obviously thrilled but I was more scared than anything else. In the NICU they are constantly monitored but we would not have that monitor at home with us. And the fact that he had to come home on oxygen really terrified me. It is pretty normal for preemies to come home on oxygen especially here since we live a mile above sea level. To be honest, I really didn't want to bring him home yet, I was afraid that he wasn't ready. I think one of the nurses must have sensed my hesitation and told me that they would not be sending him home if he was not ready. That did give me some peace. We were required to spend the night in the hospital in a room with Daniel before we could take him home. I guess since most people who have babies spend a least a couple of nights in the hospital with their baby in their room, this made sense to us. They must just want to make sure we know what we are doing. Well I was terrified about that whole thing. I don't think my husband and I got much sleep, we had Daniel facing us and the lights up pretty high so that we could wake up every few minutes and check his color. Everything went fine that night and early the next morning, we reported to the NICU to fill out our check out paperwork. I felt a little bit better after the night had gone so smoothly with him, but still was filled with so much fear. It was so difficult to take him and leave Elizabeth. Once again we were leaving the hospital and saying goodbye to our baby and it was heartbreaking.
One frustration I had with the NICU was I always felt like we were getting conflicting information. One nurse would tell us one thing, another nurse would tell us something different and then the NICU doctor would tell us something different than that. For instance, I asked when they would take the feeding tube out of Daniel's nose and they said they wouldn't take it out since eventually he wouldn't be able to take his whole feeding. "What do you mean eventually? When is he coming home?!" I wanted to scream at them. Well the next time we went in, they said Daniel would be able to go home in a few days. Well what about the tube and him not being able to take all of his feedings? It was conflicting info like that that was really frustrating and that is what it means when you hear the NICU referred to as a roller coaster.
We usually visited our babies twice a day - at the noon feeding and at the 6pm feeding. You can certainly go more or less than that, but that is the schedule that worked for us. Sometimes it was tough to decide which one to hold and feed at that time but we usually took turns. I did go by myself sometimes and just took time holding both babies.
The babies have to pass what is called a "car seat test" before they can come home. You bring your carseat up to the hospital, they put the baby in it for a certain period of time and test their oxygen levels. They have to maintain a certain level in order to pass the test. Daniel failed his first test but passed the next one. He ended up being put on oxygen when he was a week old and had to come home on it. That was a whole other challenge in itself.
When we got the word that Daniel was ready to come home, we were obviously thrilled but I was more scared than anything else. In the NICU they are constantly monitored but we would not have that monitor at home with us. And the fact that he had to come home on oxygen really terrified me. It is pretty normal for preemies to come home on oxygen especially here since we live a mile above sea level. To be honest, I really didn't want to bring him home yet, I was afraid that he wasn't ready. I think one of the nurses must have sensed my hesitation and told me that they would not be sending him home if he was not ready. That did give me some peace. We were required to spend the night in the hospital in a room with Daniel before we could take him home. I guess since most people who have babies spend a least a couple of nights in the hospital with their baby in their room, this made sense to us. They must just want to make sure we know what we are doing. Well I was terrified about that whole thing. I don't think my husband and I got much sleep, we had Daniel facing us and the lights up pretty high so that we could wake up every few minutes and check his color. Everything went fine that night and early the next morning, we reported to the NICU to fill out our check out paperwork. I felt a little bit better after the night had gone so smoothly with him, but still was filled with so much fear. It was so difficult to take him and leave Elizabeth. Once again we were leaving the hospital and saying goodbye to our baby and it was heartbreaking.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Seeing the glass (or bottle) half full.
I wanted to give you some benefits of having your babies in the NICU. I know the best situation is to have them at home and it is hard to imagine that their are any benefits at all, but if you have babies in the NICU, it will help you tremendously if you can find the positives in all of it.
First is for the babies benefit. Obviously, the main reasons your twins would be in the NICU is that they were early and small and therefore not ready to come home. The NICU is the absolute best place for them to be. The nurses are well trained and experienced and know what to do in every situation. The babies are constantly monitored 24 hours a day and are hooked up to a machine monitoring their heart rate and breathing.
The babies get on a schedule. The NICU is very regimented, the babies eat every 3 hours - noon, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm, and midnight, etc. These were the times at our NICU anyway, I would assume most would be the same. They get their diapers changed at that time also, and have their temperature taken.
The benefit to you as a new mom is to get some much needed rest and recovery time. It seems that most twins are delivered via C-section these days and that does leave you in quite a bit of pain for at least the first week. You don't realize how much you use your ab muscles, i.e to get in and out of bed, and you will be doing that alot once the babies come home. :)
So while you babies are in the NICU, try not to do too much. Sleep as much as you can and just rest and relax and give your body the time it needs to recover.
That being said, you should also use this time to prepare for the baby's homecoming. In my situation, I went 2 weeks earlier than planned but luckily we were finished with the babies room. After giving myself a week to recover physically I got back into doing laundry and cleaning and getting things organized for their homecoming. If nothing else, it gave me something to focus on. I had to keep reminding myself that the babies WERE COMING HOME and that we needed to be ready. Once the babies get home, you won't have the energy, time or motivation to tackle any projects for awhile, so if possible, get it all done ahead of time.
First is for the babies benefit. Obviously, the main reasons your twins would be in the NICU is that they were early and small and therefore not ready to come home. The NICU is the absolute best place for them to be. The nurses are well trained and experienced and know what to do in every situation. The babies are constantly monitored 24 hours a day and are hooked up to a machine monitoring their heart rate and breathing.
The babies get on a schedule. The NICU is very regimented, the babies eat every 3 hours - noon, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm, and midnight, etc. These were the times at our NICU anyway, I would assume most would be the same. They get their diapers changed at that time also, and have their temperature taken.
The benefit to you as a new mom is to get some much needed rest and recovery time. It seems that most twins are delivered via C-section these days and that does leave you in quite a bit of pain for at least the first week. You don't realize how much you use your ab muscles, i.e to get in and out of bed, and you will be doing that alot once the babies come home. :)
So while you babies are in the NICU, try not to do too much. Sleep as much as you can and just rest and relax and give your body the time it needs to recover.
That being said, you should also use this time to prepare for the baby's homecoming. In my situation, I went 2 weeks earlier than planned but luckily we were finished with the babies room. After giving myself a week to recover physically I got back into doing laundry and cleaning and getting things organized for their homecoming. If nothing else, it gave me something to focus on. I had to keep reminding myself that the babies WERE COMING HOME and that we needed to be ready. Once the babies get home, you won't have the energy, time or motivation to tackle any projects for awhile, so if possible, get it all done ahead of time.
ASK QUESTIONS!
One piece of advice I would give to parents with kids in the NICU is - ASK QUESTIONS! Since the whole experience was unusual and I didn't feel like I was able to spend alot of time with them at first, it almost felt at first like they weren't my babies and I was so discombobulated (best word I can think of) by the whole situation, I didn't know what questions to ask or that it was even OK to ask. I know that sounds crazy, but there is so much hormonal and emotional stuff going on at that time that nothing makes sense. Remember - they nurses are taking care of the babies, but they are YOUR BABIES! The NICU nurses are great but they do this every single day so it is the norm for them but having your baby in the NICU is not normal for us. When my husband first wheeled me in to see our babies I cried (of course) and one of the nurses (who ended up being my favorite later) asked if they were tears of joy. I wanted to shout, "No, they are not tears of joy - I'm devastated!"
When my friend Kelli had a baby in the NICU 5 years ago, she cried all the time and one of the nurses told her if she kept on like that she would need to get some professional help. We laugh about it now, but that was ridiculous! Having a baby in the NICU is nothing that anyone can understand unless they have been there. I was glad that I had Kelli to talk to b/c she is such a great friend and had been in my situation and was the only one who truly understood that part. Anyway, I was saying earlier to ask questions. The one thing I wanted to know but was almost afraid to ask was " Are my babies going to be OK?" In my situation, nobody offered that piece of info, I guess they thought I knew that. Well, I didn't. I do remember asking when they would come home. And while they can't say for sure, I think their rule of thumb is to always give worst case scenario and that is the baby's due date. I think I had heard that before so I was not so alarmed when the babies were born on June 19 and they said they could come home as late as July 30. I had a feeling it would be sooner.
Also make sure you know what all the apparatus is for and how long they will need it, i.e the IV, the light for the jaundice, etc. Make sure you understand the visitor regulations and if your visitors should be holding and/or feeding babies. Babies as small as mine in the NICU should only be held at feeding times for the first few weeks at least. Their whole job as tiny babies is to sleep and grow, any kind of activity wears them out and burns precious calories. Ask for the NICU direct line if they don't give it to you when you leave the hospital, we programmed ours into our phone and called every night before we went to bed to see how they had done at their last feeding. Make sure you know about feeding times and what times would be better not to visit (shift changes). Ask them right away about breastfeeding and kangaroo care (skin to skin contact). I didn't know about kangaroo care until later and the NICU nurses never mentioned it. Ask if you can nurse and if they can give you privacy for it and also ask what the procedures are to bring in pumped milk. These were all things I did not know to ask and didn't find out about until later. I just think they get so busy doing their job and taking care of the babies that they forget about the parents and all the things we need to know. Last but not least, ask the nurses what you can do as their parents to get them ready to come home.
When my friend Kelli had a baby in the NICU 5 years ago, she cried all the time and one of the nurses told her if she kept on like that she would need to get some professional help. We laugh about it now, but that was ridiculous! Having a baby in the NICU is nothing that anyone can understand unless they have been there. I was glad that I had Kelli to talk to b/c she is such a great friend and had been in my situation and was the only one who truly understood that part. Anyway, I was saying earlier to ask questions. The one thing I wanted to know but was almost afraid to ask was " Are my babies going to be OK?" In my situation, nobody offered that piece of info, I guess they thought I knew that. Well, I didn't. I do remember asking when they would come home. And while they can't say for sure, I think their rule of thumb is to always give worst case scenario and that is the baby's due date. I think I had heard that before so I was not so alarmed when the babies were born on June 19 and they said they could come home as late as July 30. I had a feeling it would be sooner.
Also make sure you know what all the apparatus is for and how long they will need it, i.e the IV, the light for the jaundice, etc. Make sure you understand the visitor regulations and if your visitors should be holding and/or feeding babies. Babies as small as mine in the NICU should only be held at feeding times for the first few weeks at least. Their whole job as tiny babies is to sleep and grow, any kind of activity wears them out and burns precious calories. Ask for the NICU direct line if they don't give it to you when you leave the hospital, we programmed ours into our phone and called every night before we went to bed to see how they had done at their last feeding. Make sure you know about feeding times and what times would be better not to visit (shift changes). Ask them right away about breastfeeding and kangaroo care (skin to skin contact). I didn't know about kangaroo care until later and the NICU nurses never mentioned it. Ask if you can nurse and if they can give you privacy for it and also ask what the procedures are to bring in pumped milk. These were all things I did not know to ask and didn't find out about until later. I just think they get so busy doing their job and taking care of the babies that they forget about the parents and all the things we need to know. Last but not least, ask the nurses what you can do as their parents to get them ready to come home.
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